Divorce
Why do couple divorce? What is a true blue good reason why after being married you decide you don’t want to be tied down to this person anymore? Assuming both sides have not cheated, give me reasons that would validate divorce.
How after x amount of years with kids in tow, do you wake up and decide; now I don’t want to live with my spouse anymore. Now is as good of a time as any to move out. I am not happy. I am miserable, so why suffer any longer?! Why do I have to sacrifice my life for the sake of my kids? Isn’t it going to affect them either way? I mean having a mother and father who don’t show any love or seem to bicker constantly would have the same affect on them or even worse off than having the parents live in different houses. How is it good for the kids to see the parents not talking to one another? Or the parents yelling and screaming at each other and fall onto yelling at the kids when they lose patience? Is this better for the kids? If the parents split, then they would not be yelling at each other, and be happier with their life, and therefore they will have two happy parents, separately, instead of two parents together who are not really together.
What is a good cause for divorce? I ask this again, and maybe your readers can help me out here. How does one decide that it is good time to divorce? Is a separation trial in order? Is it best to have one move out and for the couple to see if that works out? But if money is tight, where is the one spouse who moves out going? Can he really afford a hotel? Do you include an outside party and stay there? Which brings me to the next question, at what point do you tell people? I mean if you are going to have one of you stay by someone else’s place, which means they know. And my feeling is if one knows, then it is not a secret anymore. When do you tell your parents? How do you tell them? How does one go about it?!
If the kids are young, how do you explain things to them? Especially when you don’t want everyone to know yet. Does one parent move away? Live in the same city or away? Who stays home and who goes? Who lives with the kids who does not? When is a good time to acquire a divorce lawyer or counseling? Does counseling really help?
Thanks for posting this BasTorah. Hope someone out there has answers for me.
How after x amount of years with kids in tow, do you wake up and decide; now I don’t want to live with my spouse anymore. Now is as good of a time as any to move out. I am not happy. I am miserable, so why suffer any longer?! Why do I have to sacrifice my life for the sake of my kids? Isn’t it going to affect them either way? I mean having a mother and father who don’t show any love or seem to bicker constantly would have the same affect on them or even worse off than having the parents live in different houses. How is it good for the kids to see the parents not talking to one another? Or the parents yelling and screaming at each other and fall onto yelling at the kids when they lose patience? Is this better for the kids? If the parents split, then they would not be yelling at each other, and be happier with their life, and therefore they will have two happy parents, separately, instead of two parents together who are not really together.
What is a good cause for divorce? I ask this again, and maybe your readers can help me out here. How does one decide that it is good time to divorce? Is a separation trial in order? Is it best to have one move out and for the couple to see if that works out? But if money is tight, where is the one spouse who moves out going? Can he really afford a hotel? Do you include an outside party and stay there? Which brings me to the next question, at what point do you tell people? I mean if you are going to have one of you stay by someone else’s place, which means they know. And my feeling is if one knows, then it is not a secret anymore. When do you tell your parents? How do you tell them? How does one go about it?!
If the kids are young, how do you explain things to them? Especially when you don’t want everyone to know yet. Does one parent move away? Live in the same city or away? Who stays home and who goes? Who lives with the kids who does not? When is a good time to acquire a divorce lawyer or counseling? Does counseling really help?
Thanks for posting this BasTorah. Hope someone out there has answers for me.
posted by BasTorah at Monday, June 27, 2005
11 Comments:
bassy did you read my latest post?
Bastorah,
Do you want us to leave our comments, as opinons, or just read them?
Great new blog idea, by the way.
i hope its not one of those see thru nighties cynic.
I was hoping that you could elaborate on the Jewish view of foreplay and oral sex. It doesn't seem to be covered in Chassan/Kallah courses, and i think most people just get nervous to ask about it.
What happened to that fleeting post question that went up and then disappeared?
Too much for the blogosphere to handle? Too pritzusdik to handle?
Kvetch: Yes I read your latest post, but I thought about this first before you posted it. I can't keep forgoing my topics b/c someone else beats me to it.
Cynic: Don't fall asleep here.
Barbara: Leave your comments. We jews always have opinions. Go for it.
Cynic/Kvetch: Bored again??
Wacky: what does stop fighting mean? When one refuses to talk to the other? What happens when one simply decides to give up fighting and gives into everything, do they get divorced?
Anonymous: Foreplay, they do teach that and they do teach to make the wife happy. Okay, only some teach that. It is something you learn. We all learned.
YanklD: When you know you know. It is that like "how do you know you met the right one?" "you know when you know". What kind of answer is that? People feel so ready for one, but do not have a place to go or will not go anywhere for the sake of the kids.
Sahm: I am sorry to hear that. Was going to ask you what has happened, but you beat me to it. Like YanklD said, you know when you know. Do you really know? As for your husband, what does he want from your marriage? Be strong and stand up to him. Or give in and follow him. Live a miserable life. I say, stand strong with what you believe in and he will soon turn around and follow and live the life you want.
My belief is that 90% weren't happy from the get-go!
To :sahm4yrs,yes hes cheating,do you really believe they are 'just friends',please dont be so naive.
SAHM, do you think he is going to actually tell you, "yes, SAHM, I am cheating on you with her?!"
Sahm4yrs,
I seriously hope your are not turning to strangers on the internet for advice about whether or not to leave your husband, and whether or not to believe him when he says he's not having an affair. You really need to take a few huge steps back and think about that. Is that advice you would give a good friend? "Go on the internet and blog about it and see what random strangers say about your marriage based on the thin-slices of information that you give them, then decide whether to leave him or not. Yeah! That's a great idea!"
My parents divorced when I was a kid. I was the first person I knew with divorced parents and I was ostracized for it. I was also in the middle of a nasty custody battle that lasted for years afterwards. My father's family and my mother's family still fight over me every holiday and try to guilt-trip me into spending it with them. I'm a GROWN WOMAN. Moral of the story: Divorce brings out the worst in everybody.
I personally would be very concerned if my boyfriend had no good female friends who he could sit down and share a lunch with. That would speak volumes about his up-bringing and his attitude towards women.
As for not believing him, well, how do you know that he gets up and goes to work in the morning where he says he's going to work? How does he know that you're not having an affair with the neighbor while he's gone?
Child of Divorce, Good point on the kids.
BasTorah, my advice: remember them always. Every word of anger that passes between their parents gives them one more thing to tell their therapist when they're grown. You have to find some way of having an amicable divorce if you're really going to do it.
People use their kids as pawns when they split. And kids are wise to it. They know they're being used and they will grow to resent you for it.
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