I've Hit My Prime and He is Sleeping

Dear Bas Torah

I have read your blog, and I am glad that you are around. I am sure there are plenty of those that learn from you. And there are those who have issues and have no where else to turn to, to get answers. I am one of them. I am hoping that you can help me out here, and post this letter for your readers so I can get responses from them as well.

I am a married mid-thirty year old wife. My friends told me that these are my years to enjoy bedroom life. I didn’t believe them until recently. I am very much anxious to have sex. And to have as often as I can. I have a problem. My husband is not interested. He responds only when I go into bed next to him, he then gets the hint and complies. Yes he enjoys it, but he doesn’t initiate. He is a little bit older than I am.

I am so tired of initiating because he doesn’t seem interested in the beginning. I am so horny that when I look at any male, I want him in my bed. I don’t know what to do.

I am asking your men and women readers to please help me with this problem. Are there others out there like me?

Oh, before I forget. I give him oral, but he is afraid to “spill his seed” even though he likes it a lot. He wont reciprocate. He says it is not allowed. And gets nervous when I ask because he thinks I am becoming less frum. He is a very quiet person as well, and doesn’t think it is tzniusdik to talk about our problem with each other.

Please HELP!

Why is so Hard to say it?

Dear Bastorah,

Lately I feel that my spouse doesn't ever pay me a compliment,tell me that I'm attractive, assure me that I'm still desirable despite my mood swings and the fact that I've gained weight and am getting older, or say's "I love you," unless its just to be polite because I said it first. This feels like neglect. I feel so lonely. Is love a one-way street?

How many of you feel the way I do?

How many of you that feels the way I do are men?

I am so in love with her. During the clean days I am so sad not to be able to touch her. I look forward to mikvah night like a starving man waits for a meal. It becomes the most important thing for me.I live in a place where there's a lot of upheaval.

On our coming mikvah night, there is a very important event. Its very important for the good of Am Yisrael for everyone to get involved. She thinks it's pitiful to stay home that night just because of mikvah night. She's right. The future of the Jewish people is more important than my broken heart and swollen nuts. On the other hand, lets say we aren't together on mikvah night because something else outside of me is more important (as if!), still, I wish she could appreciate the way I feel and consider it a positive thing, rather than just a sign of pitiful weakness.

RCA

Will Someone Help This Young Girl....

Dear BasTorah,

I read your blog daily and always wait for a new one. I cannot wait to read your wisdom and truthful words. I was wondering if you can help me.

I am a young wife and new mother. I am married for a few years, and have a baby and a two year old. I have my hands full with the baby, toddler and working part-time. My husband is very understanding and caring. He works hard at his job and at home. He is a hands-on dad. He helps me out a lot, I really cannot complain.

You might think I live the perfect lifestyle. Great husband. A great part-time job. Financially stable. What more can I ask for? The problem is that I am depressed. I do not know what makes me depressed. I sometimes get into these weird moods where I just shut my husband out and go sulk. I just go and read my books and then go to bed, barely talking to him if I don’t have to. If I have to, it is just short words and not full sentences. These moods tend to come and go and I am not sure what makes them tick.

I am on the mini-pill as I am still partially nursing my baby. I don’t feel that I am ready to have another baby yet until I figure out these mood swings. It is not like I do not love my husband or my family, I just don’t feel myself. I feel very lonely and don’t have anyone to turn to. I am turning to you BT and to your readers to know if anyone has felt this way.

I cannot say this is depression that Brooke Shields has taken medicine for. I assume what I have is depression, though I am not sure of it. I really don’t want to take meds for it as I think it can be taken care of without them. Please post this letter and I hope your readers will respond.
Please sign it,

Yours truly,
A depressed wife and mother

Divorce

Why do couple divorce? What is a true blue good reason why after being married you decide you don’t want to be tied down to this person anymore? Assuming both sides have not cheated, give me reasons that would validate divorce.

How after x amount of years with kids in tow, do you wake up and decide; now I don’t want to live with my spouse anymore. Now is as good of a time as any to move out. I am not happy. I am miserable, so why suffer any longer?! Why do I have to sacrifice my life for the sake of my kids? Isn’t it going to affect them either way? I mean having a mother and father who don’t show any love or seem to bicker constantly would have the same affect on them or even worse off than having the parents live in different houses. How is it good for the kids to see the parents not talking to one another? Or the parents yelling and screaming at each other and fall onto yelling at the kids when they lose patience? Is this better for the kids? If the parents split, then they would not be yelling at each other, and be happier with their life, and therefore they will have two happy parents, separately, instead of two parents together who are not really together.

What is a good cause for divorce? I ask this again, and maybe your readers can help me out here. How does one decide that it is good time to divorce? Is a separation trial in order? Is it best to have one move out and for the couple to see if that works out? But if money is tight, where is the one spouse who moves out going? Can he really afford a hotel? Do you include an outside party and stay there? Which brings me to the next question, at what point do you tell people? I mean if you are going to have one of you stay by someone else’s place, which means they know. And my feeling is if one knows, then it is not a secret anymore. When do you tell your parents? How do you tell them? How does one go about it?!

If the kids are young, how do you explain things to them? Especially when you don’t want everyone to know yet. Does one parent move away? Live in the same city or away? Who stays home and who goes? Who lives with the kids who does not? When is a good time to acquire a divorce lawyer or counseling? Does counseling really help?

Thanks for posting this BasTorah. Hope someone out there has answers for me.

The New Blog

Okay readers,

This is a new blog for my readers. It is on the style of Dear Abby, and I will respond to letters emailed to me.
Feel free to email me at bastorah@hushmail.com